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How To Cope With Anger In Grief: Tools For Overcoming The Loss Of Your Family Member and A Friend

Exploring ways to cope with anger in grief: Offering tools to cope with anger and connect with your departed loved ones in Spirit.

Podcast Transcript:

Hi there, this is Yoshie. Today, I’d like to talk about how to cope with anger in grief and offer some tools for dealing with anger and also tools for connecting with your departed loved one.

When people lose someone very close to them, they will naturally experience various emotions. One of the common emotions often experienced by the bereaved is anger.

Sometimes anger is self-inflicted and other times anger is directed at others, the departed loved one, or God.

For example, I’ve heard people say…

  • I never got to say goodbye. I should have been there.

  • I should have been nicer. If I had been a little nicer, I could have prevented her death.

  • I should have spent more time together...

  • If I had only stopped him/her from going to work/school/ or going on a trip, I could have prevented him/her from passing.

  • I should have known this was coming… Why didn’t I know?

  • Others should have been more understanding… If they had been more understanding… he or she would be still alive.

  • How dare you leave me and the children when we need you…

  • How dare you leave me when you promised me that you would not leave me.

  • How dare you go before me

  • God, How can you take him/her away from me? How can you be so heartless?

These emotional responses are very common and they are part of the grieving process that many people go through. Instead of trying to bury these feelings, such as anger and frustration inside, it’s very healthy to notice and acknowledge your anger and let the emotion flow through you. And there is no need to feel guilty about directing anger at the departed, God, or someone else.

Again, it’s very normal to experience the feeling of anger after your departed loved one passes. Realize that you are one step closer to overcoming the loss.

One thing that I’m certain is when you are going through the grieving process your departed loved one is very close to you. They didn't disappear or vanish. Their sprits are still very close to us.

I’m often amazed how much our loved ones in the spirit world know what is going on here on Earth in regards to their respective family members and friends J

The reason why most people do not see their departed loved ones is because those that passed before us are now in a lighter, spiritual energetic form rather than in a dense physical body.

If you try to see them using your physical senses you’ll not be able to see them simply because they do not have a dense physical body.

But you will be able to see and sense your departed loved ones when you are open to allowing yourself to use your spiritual senses.

How to Connect with Your Departed Loved One Yourself

There are many people who are open to seeing a medium to connect with their departed loved ones to bring a sense of closure and to ease their pain, but you can also do this yourself.

A Key is to Relax

When you are experiencing an intense emotion, it’s very difficult to sense subtle energies of Spirit. The energy of spirit is much lighter in vibrational frequency than that of ours. Emotional energies, such as anger, sadness, resentment, etc., can lower our vibrational frequency, which creates a big gap between us and our departed loved ones and makes it difficult for us to reach them.

In order for us to close the gap, we need to raise our vibration and how to do that is to go into a state of relaxation. So a key to sense our departed loved one is relaxation.

Listening to a relaxing, calming music while resting on your bed or couch can help you to relax your body and mind.

Once you are in a comfortable position, take slow deep breaths few times and scan through your body and notice how you are feeling.

Once your body is relaxed, simply ask your departed loved one to come close to you. You may feel pressure on your head or other parts of your body. You may feel tingling sensations, warmth, coolness throughout your body, or you may sense an overwhelming feeling of love. You may all of a sudden see your loved one’s face pops in your mind which indicates that that your loved one has entered into your energy field.

When you raise your energetic vibration by simply relaxing your body and your mind, you are making it easier for your departed loved one to connect with you.

I would like to offer you several tools to cope with anger which I’ve used them myself.

Write A Letter

Write a letter to the departed and let them know how angry you are and how upset you are.

If you are angry towards God, write a letter to God and express your anger on a piece of paper. Put down all your emotions that you hold within on a piece of paper. Let those emotions surface. Please do not hold back. Be honest with your feelings. This is an excellent process of overcoming anger. Remember nobody will punish you for doing this. It’s absolutely ok to vent out your anger.

After you are done writing a letter, you can tear it apart and toss it or burn it. You can repeat this process until you have nothing more to vent.

Speak Out Loud

Imagine that your loved one is sitting in front of you (and most likely they will be sitting in front of you in a spirit form.) and start talking to them as if they can hear you (they can hear you!). Let them know how you are feeling and how angry you are. Verbalize your anger and talk to them. Do this until you are tired of talking and don't want to talk anymore. And make sure to take deep breaths after your done verbalizing your anger.

Get Physical

If you are the kind of person who loves to move your body, you can kick a sandbag or punch a billow or let out a scream. Again, it’s unhealthy to keep your anger inside. As long as your anger is inflected on objects and do not hurt you or anyone else, it’s ok to deal with your anger in this way.

Get Creative

You can express your anger through drawing or paining which can be amazingly healing. Doing a free flow drawing or expressing your anger using different colors can bring a sense of calmness and direct your anger in a healthy way.

I do hope that these tools would be helpful to you.

Sometimes your religious beliefs may not allow you to explore the possibility of life-after-death and communicating with your departed loved ones in the spirit world. When you open to a new possibility, sometimes it can be scary because you are stepping into the unknown, but it’s is a beautiful thing, something amazing can come into your life.

The fact that you are here listening to this, you are guided here, because there is not coincidence in this world.

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